Wednesday, September 1, 2010


That pretty much sums everything I want to write/complain about tonight. Well, I guess it's really morning.

I'm tired of being poor. Not being able to spend money on anything. This really means nothing. If it's not a bill or gas/food I've been forced to charge it which I know is completely the opposite direction of where I want our finances to go. I was hoping we would be paying down the debt and out of it in 3 years, but with randy still not having a job and doing nothing to make us money its what we have to do for now.

I feel very frustrated about the money. What can I do, which makes me feel helpless. He says he's applying and I know he is, but it leaves me further frustrated when he tells me he applied for a couple jobs a day, and isn't getting call backs and isn't doing anything to change the situation. There's a time to be picky and this isn't it.

I also get frustrated that the house is not spotless. I think watching a baby for 9 hrs while I'm gone would leave you plenty of time to get house work done. When I ask what he did today he took care of the baby and applied for a couple jobs. Which seems to be all he has time for but he's been playing a video game for 4 hours, no house work done, or less than an hr spent doing whatever was done. I just get frustrated with it. It makes me want to take all the video game everything away and say ok now what are you going to do.

Its now the day before my 27th birthday. I'm on the back side of my twenties. I always get irritated around my birthday because Randy never does anything to make it special for me. I'm pretty sure I've done something every year for him. I've been surprised with a birthday cake one year. I think that's it. Rachel has done things to make my birthday special, but I wouldn't be so upset about it if Randy seemed to care more or at all some times.

I tend to be more melodramatic when I'm tired. So, I'm sure of this will not be all that frustrating after 8 hrs of sleep. I do know these feeling have been there on the back burner for a while. I try to push them aside because I love Randy and talking about things he's doing that frustrates me make him hostile and distant more than anything else. So, I just deal because its better that way.

I think it would just all be better if/when randy has a job and there's more money coming in so we're comfortable again. Maybe I'm just getting impatient. I don't know. Just ready for this phase of our lives to be over. Ok gonna try to get the baby to bed. Randy figured we should get her up because she didn't eat well today and we wanted her to sleep in. A hungry tummy wakes her up before most anything else. She's been handing me blocks and being a terror in our living room for about an hour now. gnight

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